Day 11_Fear's Easy. Love's Hard

Start:Dec 02, 2023

Duration:10 Minutes

Goal: this Cognitive Trail will improve the confidence to resolve differences with your ego intact (Drama Buster).

Description: 'Drama Buster' provides specific step-by-step guidance to trekkers as they learn how to resolve differences with a sense of dignity and conf ... Read More


Step 1

Today we're hoping to guide you out of the drama caused by insecurities.

You see, a lot of misunderstandings and acting out are based upon our past experiences. That stuff can trip us up before we even know what's happening.

Does this land with you?

Step 2

Past drama can make us overreact before we know the full story or the real intention behind a comment or action that's happening in the moment.

The pain is real.

If you're like most of us, you may feel insecure about being accepted. You may be afraid of rejection and the humiliation that goes along with it.

Fear is easy. Most of us are used to it. It's our go-to emotion.

It's love that's hard. Why is this?

Love requires that you give people the benefit of the doubt as they're speaking their mind even when they seem to be upset with you.

Maybe they are upset with you. Maybe they're even right.

No benefit of the doubt. No love. It's that simple.

It's honest conversation between both of you - with the volume turned down - that can help you see the love behind their words. Reject them immediately and you just may reject that love and real friendship that was meant for you to share.

Love shows up in a lot of ways.

Describe the last argument you had, what hurt most about it and how it ended.

Step 3

Do you stop long enough in the middle of a disagreement to trust that the other person may be right?

*Trust is giving someone the benefit of the doubt that they may know something you don't.

*Trust is giving them the benefit of the doubt that they may see something in you that makes them realize you're better than the way you've been acting.

*Trust is that strength deep inside of us that chooses to overcome our insecurities and knock down those walls of doubt that divide, hurt and isolate us.

*Trust is the courage to let your guard down.

How often do you find it hard to let your guard down, especially during a disagreement?

Step 4

Letting your guard down means you risk hurt and rejection. That's hard for most of us.

But what kind of a life would you have if you always chose to protect yourself from the threat of rejection? Seriously, play it out in your mind.

What would your life be like to be always on guard? How much fun would you miss out on?

Step 5

No matter how you answered step 3, the point to consider is that it takes strength and courage to trust someone when everything in the past has said you have to protect yourself.

That's where love makes its play.

Love begins as you force yourself to stop making negative and even unfair assumptions about yourself and other people that contribute to more pain.

Think about it. It takes courage to treat people like you want to be treated. It even takes courage to treat yourself like you want to be treated!

Describe one or two things you can do differently to treat yourself and others better when you feel tempted to shut down or lash out because you feel hurt or misunderstood by someone's actions.

Step 6

The Drama Busters we've been giving you offer a chance to step back from the emotional part of a disagreement and gain perspective.

They help you rise above your feelings. That's vital.

As one of our young friends often said, "I'm in my emotions. I gotta get out of my emotions."

Will you commit to getting out of your emotions when you feel the need to protect yourself in an otherwise healthy situation?

Step 7

Let's revisit the Drama Busters. They're the tools to use to get out of your emotions.

Here's a recap:
1- Be honest.
2- Ears first. Mouth second.
3- Don’t assume. Ask.
4- Keep it chill.
5- Own your stuff. Uncover blind spots.
6- Recognize that the other person cares about you if they're still in the argument.

Let's add one more:
7- Release offense. Trust people are there to help, not to intentionally hurt or embarrass you.

How do you feel about using these tools as a go-to to let down the walls that guard your feelings?

Step 8

Let's drive the point home. It always helps to get a visual.

Go to the mirror and re-enact your last fight, paying close attention to your expressions as you play out the disagreement.

What did the mirror reveal?

Step 9

Return to the mirror and act out the fight again, but this time do it with at least two Drama Busters in play that helps you out of your emotions.

What did you see this time?

Step 10

That's love, my friend.

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