Start:Dec 01, 2023

Duration:10 Minutes

Goal: this Cognitive Trail will improve the ability to outsmart emotions that result in painful outcomes (Blind Spots).

Description: 'Blind Spots' takes trekkers through specific steps to help outsmart tendencies toward friends and loved ones that are hurtful.


Step 1

Hey, glad to have you back!

Let's start with a video. Head to the video icon above and watch the clip about PL Travers in 'Saving Mr. Banks'.

The story she wrote about Mary Poppins was influenced by her turbulent childhood with her alcoholic father who promised much to his young daughter but delivered a lot of heartache. See if you can spot the baggage from her past in the scene above.

Tell us how the clip landed with you when you've finished.

Step 2

Take a moment to review areas where you may struggle. Don't feel bad about this exercise. We all have areas where we struggle. ALL of us.

Think of it as a chance to bring beauty from the ashes (sadness) of your early years.

a- Communication that doesn't blame others
b- Ability to be patient and hear each other out
c- Ability to express compassion
d- Honest, yet respectful, when discussing feelings
e- Can be real and vulnerable
f- Have a sense of humor without being mocking or sarcastic
g- Willing to work through differing viewpoints until a solution is reached
h- Dependable and reliable - you do what you say you'll do

Select 'Successful' when you've finished.

Step 3

Which area or areas trip you up the most?

Step 4

Why do you think that is?

Step 5

How frequently do you feel the need to run or fight when disagreeing - even if the response is just in your mind?

Step 6

How much do you realize that you may be incorrectly judging situations that make you feel angry or nervous?

Step 7

Let's try something a little different.

When you find yourself in a difficult conversation, assuming the other person is pretty normal, then do this:

*Force yourself to hear all that's said
*Count to 10
*Count to 10 again
*See the person as just that, a person with feelings that go just as deep as yours
*Remind yourself that everyone deserves the right to be treated with dignity, not just yourself
*Ask questions - without attitude - if you're confused by something
*Respond with a reasonable and calm voice
*React to the other person exactly as you would like them to act toward you

** This advice won't work if there is violence or a threat of violence. In that case, get out immediately and don't return. Call someone to help you. Call 911. If you're the one who's the threat, will you agree to leave until you cool down...way down?

How often are you willing to follow this advice?

Step 8

You may have to start your turnaround by forgiving yourself each time you bungle it. And we all bungle it at times.

In fact you can expect to mess up on occasion and either shut down or blow up. That's the nature of any major change. If so, forgive yourself.

At the same time, realize that when you leave a relational mess, you need to go clean it up. Apologize to the other person without blaming them for anything they may have said or done. This is about your business, not theirs.

The important point to know is that apologizing isn't to be used as a way to make your bad actions acceptable. They're not acceptable.

At the other end of the spectrum, if you continually shut down during a conversation, then you need to apologize for that, too, assuming the other person is a reasonable and rational human being. They don't deserve to be treated as if they're abusive if they're not.

Is there anyone you need to apologize to? Who? You may practice by writing it out if you need to. It starts with six words. I am sorry. I was wrong.

Step 9

Step away from the computer.

Silence your cell.

Walk right by the TV and make that apology.

Do you have some business to own? If so, are you going to own if? Willing?

Post to us in the Publisher's box below if you need a little more guidance with this one or a different action. (Willing?)

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